Shadow Work Day 7
What are your core values as a human being? What are you morally passionate about?
Do No Harm, But Take No Shit
As a People Pleaser in recovery this is hard. This is so very hard. I learned when I was young was to never cross anyone, EVEN if they were hurting your feelings or taking advantage of you. So, I let friends use me; for example, hey you know that cute guy, introduce us….
Being a waitress, I really screwed myself out of a lot of money. I was always being sat the bumpusues as other servers sat themselves good tippers who didn’t have children who put cottage cheese, shredded cheese, and thousand island dressing all over the floor. Because I was so nice and never said “Shit” even though I had a handful, my section was full of them. My tables didn’t turn over like those businessmen tables did, as cleanup was pretty hefty and they left messes and two rumpled dollars. I got the old people, I got the poor tippers and I never said a thing, except to my husband and livejournal.
Livejournal, I had people telling me how to feel about events in my life and I would still be friends with them. Had one who told me I just needed to leave my husband and find a new career. Okay with three cents to my name and a dated wardrobe? I stayed friends with people I honestly shouldn’t.
As a friend. Yes, after an eight hour day I will help you unpack your house and then drive you around while you spend money you say you don’t want to have. Yes, I will pick you up from work and drive you around so you can get your work done. Yes, I will take you to work and be late to MY job because you overslept. Yes, I will come clean your house. Yes, I will stay out with you until one so you can get your shopping done and I FALL asleep at work and get in trouble. Then you ask me to go look at a house that same day. I said no. Yes, I will sit and wait for you while you are in a bedroom with your boyfriend doing God knows what for forty five minutes….
As a wife, yes I will argue with you until I am right. However, you are a narcissist and I will never be right. Yes, I ill give into you and your drama and ruin my time. Yes, we will go shopping and you can buy what you want and overdraw the bank account and I will say, “Okay, honey, whatever you want..”
I HATED MYSELF FOR THIS!!!! I had to put my foot down, as it was making me lower than low. I was pretty depressed and in a deep hole.
It wasn’t until this year, I decided to love people from afar and say that proverbial word, “NO!” I am sorry I can’t help people like I once could. I have me to take care of and I am doing me. I know that disappoints, but hey, you can’t pour from an empty cup.
I can still be nice and I can still love you, but man, I gotta love myself!!!