You Just Don’t Get Over It

Ah, social media, a way to get things out, and as on a bullied, belittled, girl going through school, sometimes I talk about school and the rejection I faced. It is approached with some empathetic reactions, but then there are the ones who say, “Just get over it! It was high school!” Usually it’s the ones who always had a date, had the perfect body and were popular. They never sat home alone. They never sat there and were never picked… It’s hard to “get over it”.

My first rejection was square dancing and having an odd number of girls and an even number of boys kinda sucked. I was the odd one out. The gym teacher, one of those good looking athlete types tried to be nice and tried to make announcing the calls sound like fun. However, the shame in not being picked and even more having to tell my mother that I was the caller and could not find a dance partner, as my mom told of countless suitors wanting to dance with her and we want to be like our parents at that age and I knew something was wrong with me….

Five years later, in Spanish we had to pick couples to say a little skit with. Let’s just say I waited and waited and waited, but no one picked me. I was hurt. I was a girl with a body of an older woman at 14. Big boobs and big hips, so no one wanted THAT!!! So, as the whole thing was being videoed, you could see the disappointment on my face… I asked my mom and she said, “Well they didn’t pick you because you have bleached hair!” Mom, it was way more than that… They didn’t pick me because I was ugly and overweight… Mom, going to school for me was a terror within itself.

High School came and there were still those moments of girls and guys shoving some poor guy into me and saying, “He likes you!” He could not run away fast enough. It was my life and I was used to it. However, the popular boy who preyed on girls like me, the fat ones, the ugly ones, there’s a special place in hell for you!! Kent S. asked ugly and fat girls out (mostly my friends) and then either stood them up, never called them back, or laughed. I got “never called back”.

College came, and in the sorority they had those auctions to raise money. I KNEW better than to go up and be auctioned off. I was selected for my major when I pledged. I was not chosen for my looks, family lineage or anything else… So, I went up there trying to hold in my belly and hoped my boobs didn’t look too big. They started the bidding out at $5, but lowered it to three. NO ONE WOULD BID, but then the rival fraternity bought me for three dollars to clean up puke after their party. My prettier sisters got bought for dates. I got bought for humiliation. I was almost in tears and a sister said, “Quit bitching about it. It’s for a good cause!!!” I knew it was, but humiliation never helps a good cause.

These events, for a time, made me become jaded, that I was not worthy. These events still hurt and sometimes I wrote about them on social media. I usually had some popular person who this NEVER HAPPEN to say, “get over it”. It’s not like I fell and hurt myself. These are things that cut to a person’s soul, that you just don’t get over and that people who have never had that happen to them can never fully understand. It’s not a joke you can get over. This is very personal…

--

Get the Medium app

A button that says 'Download on the App Store', and if clicked it will lead you to the iOS App store
A button that says 'Get it on, Google Play', and if clicked it will lead you to the Google Play store
Helen VanPatterson-Patton

I like to do journal prompts and you should, too. Picking various ones and doing them towards my own healing….